Well, I’m at my wit’s end, so to speak.
So, over the time I’ve been here at college, it’s been quite a bumpy ride: some of the classes are pretty cool, some of the people are awesome and living on my own has been an experience in itself.
So everything would be going well, right? No. Not at all. Far from it, even.
There are some classes in which I’m a total stranger to, there are people here that have some of the most abrasive personalities known to man and while living on my own is cool, there’s still the struggle of taking care of yourself.
But to the main focus of the blog post (if there is one), it’s that I’ve finally come to realize that my current major is not for me at all. I never wanted to be a business student - frankly, business annoys the crap out of me now. I was always in it for the games aspect, but if there’s anything I’ve probably learnt now, it’s that producers tend to get the short end of the stick these days.
That was evident in my first two projects - one where it was an odd coupling of folks who just wanted to get things done and soon enough, and the other, while very charismatic, left the producer to do some rather boring aspects. I wanted to make games, not be an overseer.
Frankly, I’m not upset at all but it’s kind of an eye-opener in a sense. If I was never here, I’d probably be doing some creative writing at some community college in Manhattan or something of the sort.
Not to harsh the mellow of other producers, but designing games and creating stories were the motivators for me to attend college. While one was realized (I wrote some damn good papers this year), the other was restricted to a simple hobby.
I’ve been through about 5 different people trying to save me from leaving college, and I honestly don’t want to leave at all. It’s just that when it comes to trying to prove yourself, if you have bad grades, you’re going to have a bad time. No one will want to fully believe in you - they want results, not empty-handed promises.
Sure enough, I’m not one to talk considering my performances but what can you do when you realize that your dream was just that - a dream? Someone told me this when I had my aspirations for going to DigiPen, and I suppose it was only eventual that I’d have to learn the hard way - albeit in a different way than one expected.
The last few weeks of this semester will be some of the most tense moments that I’ll have to go through. If this doesn’t end well, then by all means, the dream is over.
And that’s when reality sets in…